Thursday, October 16, 2014

Dear You- Unsent Letters, A Very Cranky Edition

Dear Charlotte Tilbury,
You know what? I'm not Buying It. I had such high hopes, but everything looks and feels off. And your Magic Cream? Seriously? Alcohol denat and perfume? Not to mention the rest of the irritant list that makes up for its ingredients.

Bought Gucci Instead

Dear People Magazine,
Drew Barrymore is not "sharing her beauty secrets". She has a makeup line to promote.


A Drew Fan Who Doesn't Shop At Wal-Mart

Dear Frederic Malle,

Really? REALLY? You're so late to the party it's not even funny. As a matter of fact, it wasn't funny to begin with. And rumor has it that the price will be in the $800 ballpark.

No longer dans tes bras,
A Musc Ravageur Fan

Dear Uncle Serge,
Speaking of late to the party. I really liked your L`incendiaire. I did. But not $600 of like, and with your perfumes popping up all over on Amazon and various disounters (not complaining, mind you), I'm finding it hard to buy whatever you say you've put in this particular juice.

Le Sigh,

Dear Bobbi Brown,

A Highlighter that's not a Shimmer Brick? Knocked me out with a blending brush.

Bought It In NJ

Dear Lauder Corporation,
Couldn't you buy Bond No.9 instead of Le Labo?

Say "hi" and "bye" to Laurice,

Image: Encre L. Marquet by Eugène Samuel Grasset, 1892


  1. I love this cranky pants thing.

  2. Hahaha love it. My two cents - Le Labo ...all your street cred is going going gone .

  3. "Dear Macy's:

    Why did it take so long to find an associate to tell me that "my" stand-alone suburban Macy's no longer carried L'air du Temps? Also, when I wanted to treat myself a little, why was there no Chanel Anteus, just that nasty Bleu?

    I'd go to Dillards, Saks, or Nordstrom, but Macy's is closer, I no longer drive, and I hate to impose on friends.

    Macy's, you are no longer magical.

    Disgustedly yours,

    Lawrence in Ohio.

  4. Omg the magic cream! I was just reading reviews on it last night. Decided to avoid as sounded so irritating to sensitive skin! Her line is really quite expensive...but so hyped! Is she actually that good? I don't really know much about her at all.

    P.s. I don't comment enough but I LOVE your blog.

  5. Love this! Maybe because I'm cranky today. Here's one from me:

    Dear Chanel,

    You made a big mistake when you let Peter Phillips get away if your recent offerings are anything to go by. I have been a loyal Chanel customer, coming very close to brand loyal, for around fourteen years. This year, other than my Chanel skincare, my beauty purchases have been Guerlain and Tom Ford products. I am even having a hard time wearing my Chanel sunglasses, I am that upset with you.

    Also, while your new campaign model is pretty, she is not Jac. There was something magical about Jac and I miss her.

    Sadly no longer yours,
    A Lady

    1. Pink ProvocateurOctober 17, 2014 5:20 PM

      You're singing my song, sister. I've been a loyal Chanel girl for 32 years... until this year. Chanel used to be so avant garde, but they become more boring every year.
      I hated Brad Pitt for No. 5. Kristen Stewart is not terribly pretty (certainly not a raving beauty), and she's a poor actress. Giselle with her bare faced-ness (I know it's not a word; I'm cranking, too) is a ridiculous choice for colour cosmetics.
      What is going on at Chanel? It seems they're lazy and losing their creativity.

    2. Pink Provocateur, yes, that is it. Chanel has become boring. What would Mademoiselle think? She who said, "In order to be irreplaceable, one must be different."
      I agree wholeheartedly with your celebrity assessments as well.
      Chanel needs an exciting new Creative Director, pronto! And they can begin to apologize for their blandness by re-releasing (in the original color formula) Night Sky Le Vernis.

      A Lady

  6. Ha ha great post made me laugh! Don't feel so bad now about being unable to afford charlottes magic cream would probably have wrecked my sensitive skin! Nikki x

  7. Hello Gaia,

    I totally agree with you about Charlotte Tibury. I read the ingredient list of her Magic Cream and was shocked by the amount of artifical/unpronounceable ingredients in this product. Furthermore, is it me or is the name "MAGIC CREAM" slightly irritating to anyone else? Perfect example of marketing at its finest.

    Beautylish even got in on the marketing game, by sending out detailed reports for the big launch of CT. Did I really need to know that Beautylish reserved hotel rooms for their employees on the night of CT launch, because they were expecting high volume ordering?

    This post was genius! Thank you for giving us an opportunity to vent :)

  8. Oh my! But when you have to vent, you have to vent. As when I tried out a sample of a lip treatment (plumps, treats fine lines, hydrates, blah blah)...well thanks for plumping my lips by causing very bad irritation. I have never been more uncomfortable in my life. Ouch!

    I thought about the magic cream but from what I've seen it's not for oily skin but I did try one eye crayon which I did like but it's not earth shattering. I think I'll try Gucci instead.

  9. Love the post! Regarding Charlotte Tilbury - I'm using the Magic Cream and I actually like it - my skin is dry and aging and it's not bothering me. I do HATE the fact that it's highly perfumed, but thankfully, it's only dislike, not an allergy, and the scent vanishes within minutes. I also have her eye pencil in Audrey, which is great for tightlining - that one I will re-purchase - it lasts on the waterline forever - but I'm not intrigued by anything else in her line.

  10. I'm another one who actually likes the Magic Cream. Like bisbee, I have dry, aging skin, and the cream is a nice addition to my regimen. It doesn't replace other moisturizers, but adds an illuminating layer on top (between skin and makeup), which really helps. And tho my skin is sensitive, her cream doesn't contain the ingredients I have the worst problems with, so I've been fine so far. As for the rest of her line, I have 2 blushes and really like them. Don't need anything else from her.

    I hate that FM and SL have jumped on the astronomical-price bandwagon.

  11. These totally cracked me up. But deep, deep sigh about Le Labo. Have visions of them, cash in hand, smiling cheerfully as they stand at their door and wave good bye to full artistic freedom and integrity.

  12. I've often written similar rants like these in my head. I've never been brave enough to share them with anyone other than my daughter. Sad about Le Labo. Maybe I should stock up on Iris 39 and Gaiac 10 before the deal is final. I was in NY the week Charlotte Tilbury's line was released. Saw it while in Bergdorf's. Nothing thrilled me so I didn't even bother to try it. I am very curious about the Gucci line though.

  13. Love it!! Someone needs to unmask the naked Emperor that is Charlotte's makeup line. I haven't tried the Magic Cream but *ALL* the makeup is horrible, and I should know, since I got a bunch from the UK last year (no counter to test some in my country). Unused, the lot. I cannot actually *believe* the blogger hype over this sub par collection with cheap plastic rose gold packaging. She should have stuck to makeup artistry.

  14. Thank you, Gaia! This post made my Friday even better.

  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. Dear MaryEllen smith,
      It looks like you're just as crabby as me, if not more. Why not start your own blog, then? That way you can express yourself freely and allow us all to enjoy your luminous personality and inspiring insight?

  16. Really, really enjoyed this post.

  17. This post is awesome. It's a breath of fresh air. I love it!

  18. Can you tell us more about the Bobbie Brown highlighter?

  19. Guess I need to buy that full size bottle of my favorite la labo scent now.
    I actually really like the CT magic cream (and I have sensitive skin), but yeah, I was not really impressed with the make up bit of her line.


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